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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|